Want or Need

I want happiness,
I want peace,
I want laughter,
I want love,
I want understanding,
I want patience,
I want beauty,
I want memories,
I want change,
I want forgiveness,
I want to be fearless,
I want all these things,
but I need,
you.

"I don't know you, but I want you. Words fall through me, always fooling me with games that never amount to what their actually meant."

I mean, I think I want you. You're perfect, but I ask myself why I keep making you suffer by waiting for something that I'm afraid won't ever come around. All because of one thing, fear. Fear empowers the average human, empowers their judgement, their will, their attitude, their choices. Fear causes dumb choices, and that's why I'm moving slowly. So that I can win fear. And I will win.

Someday.

But believe me when I say, I want you, I need you, you're perfect for me. I'm perfect for you. I know you may be asking, "then what's the problem?". And trust me, I'm asking myself the same thing. I feel something is right, I do. I really truly do. I have always fought this battle. This battle of fear. But I recently discovered a new battle.

Forgiveness.

Forgiveness which is hard to give to someone who broke my heart. To someone who is less than deserving. But for some reason, I want to forgive. I want to be okay with it. I want to forget the mistakes, but not the love. But that's the thing, I NEED to forget both the mistakes and the love. Because no matter how hard I try to believe it's still there, it's not. I'm sorry I've been so shady and confusing when you have been so open and caring to me. But I'm good now. You have my complete and full attention, because

I want you,
I need you,

only you.

Love,
Kelsey Ann