I love love my best friend!

Keara Jaelyn Soller,
I love you. You are the most amazing best friend anyone in this world could ask for. I don't know how anyone could not appreciate your good thoughts and deeds that you have towards other people. You always want the best for everyone and that is a wonderful quality that you have. There are so many more good things that I could say about you.

I am who i am and i have no problem with that.

So I sit here and think for like ever on what to write to the point where my head starts hurting. I mean so what, who cares about a stupid blog why would I want to waste so much time on this? I have no clue. Im very different than the average teenager. I don't like going to huge high school parties, don't like dances, and shopping isn't my favorite thing in the world to do. I have eye problems, very clumsy, and just a weirdo. But guess what?! I don't care. I don't care what other people think about me. I don't care if they think I'm wierd that I don't like going to parties and stuff. I have two toes stuck together, I was born with it. I have the choice of getting them separated, but I think that it's good to have something unique about myself that no one else has. There is always a demand in the *girl* teenager world on who has the cutest shoes, cutest outfit, cutest purse, cutest hair. I could go on forever. We always judge each other on how we look and I think that is absolutley rediculous. You know why? Because the only reason why people judge people is because they are not happy with themselves. They are jealous of that person that they are judging because they wish they looked as pretty or as cute as her. But you know what, I don't care if someone thinks i'm ugly, or if they think i'm not cool, because guess what??

I LOVE EXACTLY THE WAY I AM!

Thinking about him.

Everyone experiences a time in their life when you feel that you might be in love with someone. You can't sleep at night, you can't stop thinking about him, you just can't function right. What happens when he lives 200 miles away? You are stuck with deciding whether or you are happy or not. You are thinking that it would be best to break up with him but then you realize how much you like him and you can't live with out him. You can't go a day without talking to him. If you do, you are worried that something happened to him. You don't know what to do but just sit and wait for a phone call. So you stay up all night long waiting for that phone call and you never get one. Now what? Exactly. You don't know. You think you love this person but what if he lies to you? What if he tells you things that he's in but he's not really? Do you still love him? You don't know. But you are still stuck with the same problem...you just can't stop thinking about him. So does that mean you love him?

<3, Kels

Havn't posted in a while!

Sorry that i havn't posted in a while. I have been really busy and just too lazy to actually get on to type something on my blong. But now hopefully i can start writing again :)

<3>

darkness desends on a garden

I sit in the darkness...lost in prayer, sorrow, and thankfullness. Tonight was the night that Jesus Christ was crusifided because of our sins, because of our wrong doings, because of our mistakes. Jesus forgives us for our sins, even though we do not deserve the forgiveness we still are forgiven. The shadow of darnkess reins over our heads as we weep. Jesus was crusifided in the longest most painful death any human could go through or even withstand. Jesus is that one candle that lights up the night sky. He doesn't give up. Even when he is nailed to a cross. He keeps himself alive until he can't handle it any longer. He perserveres through the pain just so that he can stay concious for a little bit longer. The pain he must have gone through, the feeling of nails going through your hands, all your weight is being hung on ur hands. To just think about being there is outrageously horrifying. The horrors of the darkness are the worste thing a person can fear. Without the light, there is no hope, no pathway. And when that one candle light goes out,the darkness reins, until the candle is lit again.

<3 Kels

We are Savage.

*this message is very depressing and sad but i was just thinking today in english and thought i would express it*

Humans are very savage. We are dirty and mean. We are very inhuman. Actually we are human, but we are inhuman as how we act. We act inhuman. If that makes sense.

We are savage.

I learned in English today the bad side of us. When we are put into a situation where we do not have any order we go crazy. We lose.... our innosence. We lose our humanity. We lose are love, our hope, our happiness. We gain.... fear, savagery, hatetred, and so on. We don't realize it until we are put with those conditions. Even then, we don't realize what we are doing at the time until we look back and...remember... we remember our savager, we remember our sickness that we got from the fear. Fear is the worste thing that a person can go through. Fear can create death, hallucinations, and even more fear. Fear is like cancer in our minds. It kills us, it brings down, it tears our trust in others, it kills our humanity. Fear causes are minds to think of things worse than they really are. It causes us to think that something is something when really it is not. When our class read in English a book called "Lord of the Flies", these boys where stranded on an island without any adult supervision or order. They thought they had seen a beast because of the fear that had built up inside of them of some mean creature out there. So when one of the characters Simon said "we should go to the top of the mountain", they disagreed but he went anyway. He reached the top and he discovered the "beast", the beast was just a person that also was stranded from his parchute. Simon ran down the mountain and the boys where chanting "kill the beast around the fire" and they saw simon and they thought that was the beast. When it wasn't. They killed simon. Teared him to shreds. That is how savage we kids...humans....are. This book is very depressing it is the truth. We can't be on our own. We can't make it through without someone to keep over and to have someone watch over us. That is why we need to make a change as we humans should be doing. We should work on doing things more on our own. Instead of realying on other people to do the stuff for us all the time, like not always having an adult there to patch up a fight with your brother and sister, or their when you need something to eat, get it yourself. So, that if you are ever put into this situation as these boys where. You will be able to take order and handle things the best you can without getting out of hand. But unfortunetly these boys did get off to a good start with a leader but then...Ralph (the leader) and Jack(the kid that wanted to be leader that made all of the kids savage) Jack ruined it. He caused them to want to hunt and thats what made them savage. To kill, is something everyone should think of as savagery. I want to make a difference. No matter what it is. I'm going to find out what i can do. I hate this savage place but we have to make the best of it.

<3 kels

my friends are AMAZING!

My friends are the most amazing people that a person could ask for. Even though we may be dorks, I still know that at least we are dorks together. I'm so happy that I am able to experience high school with some really good friends. I can't even begin on how much I appreciate everyone of them. All of my friends and I just have so much fun together. They are always there for me when I need a shoulder to cry on, always there to laugh and have fun, and always there to just say that they are my friend. I just can't explain the meaning of friends in words. It's so complex that it's hard to explain it all. Without friends you just can't make it through the day. Thats just the facts. No matter how much you slice it and dice it, you can't live without your friends. Friends to me are one of the most important people of my life. I love you all and each and everyone of you will be in my heart forever. I love you guys!

<3 kels

I LOVE my family

This post is for My Family, whom I love so much! I know that I have been going through a lot of things the past few weeks and it may seem like I don't want to be around you, don't want to see you, don't want to have anything to do with you basically. But it's not true. I have been having a lot of trouble with the stress and I havn't been able to handle it very well, making it where me not wanting to be in the house. When I am put with stress, I think the best thing for me and everyone else is if I get out of the house for a while. It's not that I don't want to be with you guys, and its DEFINETLY not because I don't love you. I love you guys so much. I'm so glad that you guys are MY family, because I would be jealous if you where someone elses. Mom, I feel honored to be your daughter and I hope that you know that you are the most amazing mother a daughter could ask for. Dad, (my step dad), even though we may have some tough times where we don't get along, or I argue with you, I still love you VERY much. :) I want you to know that. Nicholas, Daniel, you are the best brothers ever! Even though you may drive me crazy sometimes, you are still the ones who are always there when I just need to have fun. :) You two make the stress level go away, and make me in a good mood. I'm so happy that I have you two as MY brothers. I hope that you know that. I want all of you to know that you will ALWAYS, ALWAYS be in my heart no matter where i'm living.

Love always,
Kels

ZOMG! IDK!! :)

lol, I wanted to write in my blog today, but i had no idea in the world what to write about...soo i'm just going to write some pointless entry on how pointless this entry is. You don't have to read any further because it just makes me feel better when I keep something going, even though I may not know what to write, I still feel like I should write about something or my day doesn't feel like a close. When I write in my blog, I feel like I'm sealing my day, like there isn't much else to do in the day other than going to sleep :) Its like saying, so this was my day, no its over..yaa de dahhh de dahh...ya I know boring right...?? haha. Sorry if this post isn't very inspiring...lol its kinda late and past my bed time :) lol. I guess its ok to have a silly blog every once in a while. I actually feel like I'm feeling a little bit better today...other than the fact that it has been a long and miserable day..but still I feel like I feel better emotionally because I have finally made my a choice that I have been thinking about forever. So, to me this day, means a that I actually accomplished something. Thats good right? lol

~ <3 KElS

Life

I have just realized that life is the most amazing thing that anyone could ask for. Ya, we go through a lot of tough times, but still, we should appreciate the fact that we where blessed to be on this earth. I feel like I'm am special that I was given the chance to make a difference in this world. I was given the chance to make my own choices and learn from my mistakes. I have realized that we have gotten a great gift, and that is being able to have freedom on how we run our own lives. We don't have to have someone run it. I am so glad that we can live in peace, or so we think. Ya, there are bad people out that there. But they shouldn't be considered as bad, they are just people that are confused, that don't understand what their purpose is in this world. But i know my purpose in this world and that is to appreciate MY life. To appreciate that I was put onto this earth to make it a better place, a happier place, not to bring it down. Even though you are sad and put down, you should still try to make yourself happy. :) The only way to succeed in life is when you believe in yourself that you can do ANYTHING that you set your mind to, that you can be that person who doesn't do the normal teenage things, the person who makes a difference to other people, A person that has hope for themselves. Everyone puts themselves down, saying that thier fat, ugly, TOO skinny?, and just not pretty enough. To be honest, I do that same thing sometimes and i regret it. I just need to tell myself that the only thing that is going to make me happy is me. As long as i tell myself that i can do something, then i know i can do it.
Life is an opportunity, a miracle, a joy, a new beginning. Life is the best gift to give ANYONE.

~kels

Which Way

Which way do you go when you are trying to find somewhere to go? Which way do you go when you don't have anywhere to go? Which way? How do you know if your decision is the right one? How do you know if that choice that you made isn't just going to stab you in the back later on? I just don't know. It's tough to make a choice that you have no clue in the world on how to make it. It's hard when you are expected an answer from you and you just don't know how to answer it. Its really hard and everyone faces this horrible feeling of questions. It's worse when no one can answer that question but...you. No one can help you make the right decision, you have to make it yourself. No one can tell you what they think because it is what you think is the best thing. I know i'm just rambling but thats what has been on my mind all week long.

~kels

Difficult Times

This post is for Keara, my best friend. At least one person wakes up one morning and can tell already it is going to be a bad day. Well that was my day today. I have had a lot on my mind and it just seems like it won't go away. I try my best to make myself happy on the outside even though I may be sad on the inside. But for some reason this time I am not able to keep myself happy without showing what is wrong with me. Keara has made it easier for me to make it through this weekend and even today. She is the most best friend anyone could ever ask for. Everyone says shes quiet, not talkative, but to me that is completley a lie. She has changed my life and no one can change that. I have had a lot of tough things going on with friends, family, and even...my ability to be able to function. Life can suck at times, but I know that I have to try and make the best of it. With keara by my side I know that I can get through tomorrow and the next day and the next..and so on. I love ya keara!

~Kels

My First Post! woohoo!

Hey guys! I gave up on regualar journaling on a piece of paper. I decided that I would create this blog so that I can have place to just write about whatever I want. I needed a place where I would be able to just talk about me.